Updated: Nov 30, 2021
The Secret. The Law of Attraction. The Law of Vibration. Manifestation.
Fascinating stuff, am I right?
I have studied dutifully the many facets of personal development in effort to be My Best Self. Admittingly, the above concepts were the most eye opening and transformational. At first all the stories of the incredible experiences of others felt too good to be true.
Can it really be this simple?
One thing I did know from my formal education (and of course, my own personal struggles), is that we (our small self, our ego) are the source of our suffering. I am certainly one who is always willing to try something different in effort to produce a different result. So, in my journal I affirmed:
'If not this, then something better. Find my Tribe.'
And in a true Michael Singer method, my Surrender Experiment began.
But there are so many layers to this action, that I don’t think I could possibly communicate everything that led up to this seemingly common task. This story is really about a very important- and long life lesson that I had to learn over and over again. The bigger picture here is that this was about me finally being able to live my life from a place of surrender. And this was a huge deal for me.
To give a little back story here, and maybe put things into perspective…
My former self thought she could control everything- she felt like she needed to control everything. It played out in so many ways in my life: work harder, get stronger, study more, be better, fight for it- and I was met with more and more resistance. It was like I was constantly swimming upstream- which fueled me to work harder, get stronger, study more…it was a vicious cycle.
And then as an adult it literally felt that all things in my life that I valued – my health, a loving marriage, a rewarding career- were just out of my reach no matter how hard I tried. So what did I do? The only thing I knew…I tried harder. I tried until my whole world came crashing down in March 2010 when my mom passed away 8 weeks after her cancer diagnosis. I learned so hard so fast, that I could not control everything, no matter how hard I tried.
As I reflect on my old self, it almost feels silly to think about how I truly believed I had the capacity to dictate my life. It was exhausting. So soon after that, everything broke- my body, my relationships, my spirit. I was an empty shell.
So of course- even though I was broken- I knew I had to ‘do’ something.
I read, I studied, I immersed myself more in every physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and metaphysical topic I came across to help foster my healing process. I really felt that I would give anything a try; that's what pain does I guess. It couldn’t hurt. One thing I am pretty good at is consistency. When I put my mind to it, I follow through- mostly because I treat everything I do like a science experiment….and track 30 days, 60 days, 90 days. I am obsessed with processes!
Ok, to stay on course with this example of my journal entry I am referring to (which I will circle back to I promise!), for a long time I really felt like I understood intellectually things like energy, visualization, and such. I had heard or read about tons of really cool stories about the experiences of others, but I wasn’t certain how it was going to play out in my life. And in hindsight I realize my hesitancy to try: What if it did not work for me? Then I couldn't even hold onto hope.
So I began to practice. I had to break the old habit of always being in my head and in my masculine energy of 'doing', or knowing the what, when, how and logic of everything. I released attachment. This is simple, but it is not easy- for me it wasn’t at least. But I kept at it.
So that particular journal entry? That was part of a specific intention I had set: to make a lot more money doing what I love and connect with like-minded souls. I had done the work- releasing all sorts of limiting beliefs around abundance. And to tell the Universe I was ready, I decided to practice daily visualizations of what my life would look and feel like with my dream job and my dream team. But then, after my exercise, I did something my old self would have never been able to do….I let it go. I truly, let it go.
Then what? Well, a series of astounding synchronicities led me to my soul sisters and the most unbelievable opportunity. Literally, the path was shown to me. All I did was follow a breadcrumb trail with curiosity. With this new mindset, I honestly believe what is mine is mine. I whole-heartedly trust that the unfolding of my life is for my greatest good. Hard lessons and all. All is well. My heart is filled with gratitude.
My special formula:
Release Attachment to an Outcome
The amazing part is…this is just one example. Mini miracles like this have been happening everyday- to the point where I started to write them down with dates to track in my journal.
But I remember when all this just seemed conceptual. If this is new to you, just give it a try.
Practice: Release, Surrender and Trust.
Full disclosure, this shift was not easy for me. I worked at it. Everyday I did the things, not knowing the outcome or the when, what, why, and how. I don’t know if that sounds encouraging or discouraging. I do know that everyone’s path is unique. And I also know abundance is our birthright. Once I had the experience of being the cocreator of a divine plan, everything changed. Everything.